Thursday, April 16, 2015

Reshaping My Identity


When I first found out that I was moving from fourth to first grade, I felt like my world was crashing down around me.  That sounds really melodramatic.  I'd probably roll my eyes if I wasn't the one writing it.  But I understand what it means now.  A HUGE part of my identity was "fourth grade teacher."  I had been that for long enough that I felt like I was getting to be an expert.  I was at least comfortable going in each day and understanding how to run a class of upper elementary kids.  All I could think when I found I had to fit into the first grade teacher mold was, "This is not me."  I worried I would fail my job/career/finances/family.  I worried it had the potential to ruin me.

I also worried about who I was in terms of my online persona.  My other TPT store/social media is all geared toward upper elementary.  If I admitted to my followers that I am now a first grade teacher, would they leave?  Would my sales plummet?  Again, financial worries: my TPT sales are significant enough that we've started incorporating them into our plans for the future.

Since I felt like I was split in two (or even three) my husband helped me make separate Firefox profiles.  I use one for my fourth grade blog/TPT/Pinterest.  Then I have this LMNOpond blog/TPT/Pinterest.  And finally I have my school Gmail account.

Well, my first priority of course had to be my students.  The online stuff had to take a backseat.  No sense creating a lot of first grade products before I understood the kids and curriculum.  Not fair to spend a lot of time making fourth grade materials when I should be working hard to become a good first grade teacher.  So I set up this blog in June last year to vent a little as well as help others going through a similar transition, but otherwise felt confused about which online persona to cultivate.

In November I started to feel more settled into a routine in first grade, and started to feel less like someone who was filling in for those little kids' teacher and more like a first grade teacher with a distinctive style.  As a result I came up with the LMNOpond brand.

In December I realized that marketing my old fourth grade materials could help keep my store going while I took time to develop my first grade craft.  I created a spreadsheet/schedule to help with pinning.

I will never know if there was a correlation or coincidence, but my sales have stayed steady and even increased this year.  Thank goodness.

I was hoping to spend time during February break catching up on fourth grade products, but it turned out to be a rough month (think major blizzards) and time slipped by.  I even spent a day in my classroom to help catch up.  That's when I realized, "I really am a first grade teacher now."  I wish I could flip back and forth between first and fourth grade work, but I can't right now. 

Having lots of unfinished fourth grade ideas/products is frustrating for me.  But making my first graders my priority has been the right thing to do.  Most of them love school (and homework...what's up with that?!) and they have learned so much.  A colleague told me, "They learn how to read in first grade, and it's like a miracle."  She was right.  Those kids who seemed like babies/little aliens at the start who needed everything read to them are reading and writing now. 

Devoting my time and energy into my class also won me admiration from my colleagues and parents.  Everyone is telling me what a great job I've been doing.  Getting praise from them has healed the hole that was left in my heart all summer as I agonized about the move and the loss of my former identity.  And although at first I felt like I was doing a good job faking it for everyone, by now, I can say that I've pretty much got a handle on this now.  Of course there are things I wish I did differently.  But I felt that every year in fourth grade, too.  I think most teachers are reflective and start September with at least a few new ideas to try with their new group.  But overall I think I have a routine that the kids feel secure in, so they know what they should do and feel confident helping each other.

If you have been reading because you've made a big move in grade levels, you'll see I've kept my LMNOpond brand small so far.  I suggest you do the same if you create a new brand when you move grade levels.  I feel more secure than I think I would have if I tried to build at the same time as I was learning.  But I finally think I am ready to take the next step with LMNOpond.

I decided to jump in with both feet on Instagram.  I not only signed up for an LMNOpond account, I also made it my main account on my phone.  I realized that although I have a backlog of photos for fourth grade to blog about when I have the time, I won't be taking more photos with my phone for my fourth grade account.  And I take LOTS of photos of my first graders and their projects.  It makes sense to just use that one.  The hardest part was following all my old friends on the new account.  Some have even gone to "private" so I CAN'T follow them until they respond to their direct messages.  And of course, I have very few followers now.  But it was simple enough to find popular hashtags to post with in order to get more attention from the IG teaching community.  I'm sure I'll gain more followers in the long run than I would on an account I basically stopped using. 


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