What Teachers Wish They Could Tell Parents

Yesterday I was having a conference with a parent after school.  Let's call her Billy's mom.  In the middle of the conference I had got up to retrieve a writing sample from his desk to show her when a former student (let's call him Matt) glided into the room and stood flush against the wall inside the closet.  

I gaped at him.  "Matt.  What are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to hide from Bobby."

"Matt...I'm in the middle of a meeting."  I nodded at Billy's mom.

"Oh.  Right."  He zipped back out.

You can imagine the look on Billy's mom's face.  I apologized on his behalf.  I let her know he was a former student.  There was so much more I could have told her about Matt, but of course confidentiality doesn't allow it.  And of course she wants to talk about her own child.  But the thing is, knowing Matt would have put Billy into perspective for her.

Although most of our conference was all about how Billy is making adequate progress, she was concerned when I told her about the first time we met as a small group to read a book together.  It was a book he'd read to himself before, and it was at his instructional level.  When he sat down to join the group he said to me, "I don't know why my eyes are wet." I told him that he could take a few minutes to get a tissue and or wash his face, then look over his books himself.  I could read a page with him later.  And I did, 20 minutes later.  And he was fine.  And the next time we met as a group he was fine.  Out of 50 days of school, this was the one and only time Billy got anxious enough to almost, but not quite, cry.  So when she told me she's worried about how anxious Billy is, I couldn't stop thinking back to Matt 4 years ago.

Matt cried almost every day for weeks.

Matt cried when he missed his mom.

Matt didn't want to go into the gym for the first few weeks.

Matt refused use the bathroom because other kids use the bathroom and it might have germs.

Matt didn't want to eat in the lunchroom because someone threw up in there once so he might get germs and get sick.

Matt didn't want to eat in classroom either after someone threw up in there.

When Billy's mom saw Matt she saw a fifth grader horsing around.  She didn't see him as a boy her son's age and height but about 15 pounds skinnier.  Trembling and crying. 

I'm not writing this because I think Billy has zero problems or because his problems don't matter because some kids have serious anxiety so his insecurities don't need to be addressed.  I had that discussion with her; I'm writing this for YOU. 

I'm sharing this because when Matt slipped into my room like he owned the place I felt an overwhelming sense of hope.  Sometimes we see these little first graders and worry so much.  They cry or have tantrums or hit people every day and we feel powerless.  Then 4 years later this kid is comfortable and confident and happy.  He has lots of friends, his mom is involved with the PTO (by the way she was anxious when I met her too; the family was new to the school when he started in my class).  And Matt is now in the Student Government at our school. 

One of the most painful things about being moved from fourth grade to first grade was the feeling of not knowing most of the kids in the school that first year.  I was eating lunch with a new set of coworkers who were talking about kids I didn't know and would never interact with.  Now I know nearly every kid in the school.  All those older kids used to sit in my room and listen to me read stories every other day.  And they still look 6 years old to me.  It was a rough adjustment for Matt.  And me.  But we've both grown an awful lot in 4 years.  And this year we both feel comfortable, confident, and happy.    

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15 Picture Books to Teach Character Building

Last week I wrote about books that help children deal with "first grade issues."  In this post I wanted to expand on the idea and share my favorite books for building character.  Friendship, accepting other's differences, and the Golden Rule are just a few concepts children need to define and practice when they are in school.  So if you want to hear my favorite books and how I use them, read on! 

The Day You Begin  This book is nothing like what I expected by the cover.  It's about kids who feel like they don't fit in.  One child is from a different country.  One is the only African American student in her class.  They each feel different in different contexts.  The way one of these characters reconciles her feelings is so powerful.  Keep the tissues nearby!    

 

Cheetah Can't Lose  This is a funny story about a pair of practical jokers who are tired of their friend bragging all the time.  Despite the jokes, the end is heartwarming. 

Llama Llama and the Bully Goat    There are many Llama Llama books.  I wrote about sharing in my post on Empathy.  This one is about a kid who has a bad attitude during class as well as out at recess.  The says mean things during learning time and he kicks dirt at kids who ask if he wants to play outside.  After reporting the problem, the "bully goat" gets a consequence and treats his peers better. 

Do Unto Otters  This book is a little long and very instructive.  I recommend it for later in the year for first graders when they're more likely to appreciate the humor in it.  

Come with Me  You know those days you come to school after a national tragedy, and you wonder, "Will one of the kids bring it up today?  How will I handle it?"  Although I don't usually start a conversation about it with my first graders, if someone brings it up, this is a great book to have on hand.  It's got a "keep calm and carry on" theme.  Look for the kindness and normalcy in your community.  It can help you and your class feel centered after a scary talk.  

Me First Helen Lester   I already wrote about this book in this post on first grade issues, but it's another great one to teach character.  

Today I'm a Monster  The hero in this book woke up grouchy.  He proceeds to act out.  It pairs well with the No David series that I wrote about in my Back to School post (get those Venn Diagrams ready).  Most kids will laugh at his antics, but some will relate to the feelings he's having.  It reminds us that behavior is communication.  Sometimes a grouchy child needs comfort and encouragement.      

The Boy Who Wouldn't Share  The busy illustrations in this book keep kids engaged as they learn that hoarding material things at the expense of cultivating friendships is not the way to go. 

I Walk with Vanessa    This book has no words; it's all pictures.  I have used it as a think aloud with my class.  It's perfect for those pre-readers who want to go back and retell themselves the story during independent reading time. 

The Invisible Boy  I can relate to the hero of this book so strongly.  He watches his peers play and chat but doesn't know how to join in.  He loves to draw but it takes him time before he figures out how to use that strength to make a friend.  But once he does, the invisibility fades away.   

I'm New Here  This book follows 3 children who each join a classroom of English speaking students for the first time.  They hear all new word sounds and see completely different letters after learning to read and write in their first language.   Each child feels a little differently about this.  Each child attempts spoken or written language in a different context. 

Someone New  This book was written after I'm New Here, and written from the perspective of the newcomers' classmates.  It addresses how they perceive a newcomer who doesn't speak English.  Most students don't know what to do at first.  Some wish they could help them feel like they belong.  It shows students that first attempts don't always work and that can feel uncomfortable.  That's normal and it will pass.  Because eventually English learners start speaking and want to join in so be ready to welcome them!   

Say Something  This is not so much a story as an affirmation.  It reminds us that we all have wisdom and we need to stand up for what we believe in.  It's a great book to read before a Positive Post Its challenge or a Valentine's Random Acts of Kindness challenge.  

I am Human      This book isn't a narrative, but it explores the struggles and triumphs of the human experience in simple language and illustrations.  It's a nice reminder that we all make mistakes but we have the potential to learn and grow.

Beekle      This is a beautiful story about the land of imaginary friends waiting for a friend to want them.  But Beekle takes matters into his own hands and finds his own friend.  It's a great story about asserting oneself and making friends by being one.  And, on a literal level, it normalizes the concept of having an imaginary friend when you're young. 

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true! 

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More Books to Teach Empathy

Many first graders have not fully developed empathy.  Sharing doesn't come naturally because they honestly don't understand why they should.  They don't see things from the other's perspective, they just know what toy or snack they like.  They know they want to be first so they go for it because they don't realize there are 23 other kids who would like to be first sometimes.  They need many, many reminders about rules and a variety of examples of why and how we follow the social contract.  My first post on books to teach empathy has been so popular that I decided to get more (and tell you about them).  So if you're looking for books that help your first graders learn empathy, read on! 

Chocolate Milk Por Favor  This is a great story about learning to overlook people's flaws and focusing on their strengths.  Although one child in the story doesn't know much English when he starts school, he is a great soccer player.  And of course he learns enough conversational English quickly enough to make some friends.  Although one character in the book starts out as very dismissive of this child, the reason why may surprise you.  Your class will learn to look past first impressions. 

Those Shoes  This book is tough to get through if you're a crier!  It starts out a classic needs vs. wants tale.  The boy wants fancy shoes and his family can't afford them.  The twist comes when he sees someone else who is also in need of new shoes and he has to decide if, as little as he has, should he help the other kid.  You can guess how it ends, but how he gets there is a little surprise that will touch you. 

The Juice Box Bully  This book is a little wordy for first grade, but I include it because it's so important for empathy.  I plan to try it at the END of the year to help the kids think about what they want their second grade class to be like, ideally.  After all, if they learn to stand up for themselves and others respectfully, they just might help out my first graders next year out at recess! 

A Flicker of Hope  This book gets deep into some bad feelings.  It might be too intense for a whole class lesson.  The little candle is feeling hopeless, loss, depressed, and anxious.  She learns that these feelings can be mitigated, and how reaching out to ask for help and later to make others feel good can help her feel better. 

If You Plant a Seed  Yes, this is a book about empathy, although it's disguised as a book about gardening.  Think of the adage, "You reap what you sow" and add beautiful illustrations and you'll get the idea. 

Something Beautiful   There aren't too many books that I know of that show younger children what low income neighborhoods look like.  This book will open a window to this world while still sharing a message of beauty. 

But if you only get 5 books from this list to teach empathy, get these!

The Bad Seed  This is a perfect book to help kids start to empathize with a difficult peer.  You know, that kid who is always acting out.  As their teacher, sometimes you know why they do it; you know about back story, but you can't just tell the other kids they have a rough home life.  This book starts out showing the bad behaviors and the fact that the seed KNOWS he's bad.  Then we find out what happened to emotionally damage him.  And finally, we see that he's starting to make an effort to do better so we need to support him.  Love this story. 

Little Blue Truck board book  I didn't know if this book was going to be more suited for preschool than first grade, since it's a board book.  But I'm glad I took a chance on it.  It's a little like the little engine that could but the vehicle has more of an edge.  And it just takes one well liked vehicle to rally the community to help the one with the bad attitude.  I feel like this idea of getting one friend on your side and then many more will follow is a great message that isn't covered by many other books.  

How Kind board book  This it a cute book about "paying it forward."  It gets kids thinking about how they can be kind, as well as watching how one kind deed can make kindness spread to many others.

But Its Not My Fault   This a story about a child who feels like he's blamed for everything.  He can explain how others played a role in each scenario.  But we start to realize he's not taking responsibility for his own actions.  It's a little long to read all at once, but reading one scenario each day as part of Morning Meeting or a social skills lesson is a great way to help children understand responsibility. 

Enemy Pie   This is such a cool book for kids who just don't get along!  And the rest of your class will be captivated too.  One of the dads decides to make an "enemy pie" as revenge for his son's nemesis.  He promises to put all bad things in the pie and serve it up on one condition.  The boys have to play together for one afternoon.  After spending time together, the son has to decide: let his "enemy" eat the pie or save him! 

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true! 

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16 Picture Books You Need for First Grade Issues

First grade has its ups and downs.  If you're new to teaching first grade, you will find that some issues that older kids deal with can be overwhelming for 6 year olds without the life experience to draw from.  One great way to teach children about how to deal with their own problems as well as others is through literature.  If you are committed to reading aloud to children every day, you want some fun stories and also some relatable stories.  So if you are interested in expanding your library to include more books about issues first graders are dealing with, check these out! 

The Library Book  Kids hate being bored.  This book shows kids a variety of fun characters available to them in books at the library. There are references to many classic stories they may recognize. Since it's based on Tom Chapin's song, it has repetition that is always a great way to make a read aloud interactive.  

Princess Peepers    For some children, wearing glasses to school causes anxiety over peer rejection.  Sometimes it's imagined; others in the class don't care who is wearing glasses.  And other time kids can be cruel.  But in either case, the child's worries feel real.  This book is a funny way to talk about why it's important to wear glasses.  And you can still look like a princess. 

Salam Alaikum picture book  This is a cheerful text that reminds us to have a positive attitude.  It's based on the song, ( it's not really a story) but it has beautiful illustrations that will engage your pre-readers. 

Ricky Sticky Fingers  When you have a student in your class with a reputation for stealing, you need this book for a read aloud.  Of course we know stealing is wrong.  This book enforces that message while also exploring the impulses of a child who is having a hard time reforming. 

 

Listen and Learn    Being a good listener is so important in school and in life!  This is a great book to read the first week of school.  It's not a fun sort of book, but sometimes you want one that's instructive and to the point.  This is that book.    

Dog Breath    Sometimes kids feel rejection.  They are afraid to be themselves and worry how others will perceive them.  This story shows us that even though we all have our flaws, in the right circumstances, they can be assets. 

When Sophie Gets Angry Really, Really Angry    This book clearly illustrates how we feel when we get angry.  It normalizes these feelings.  And it shows kids how to come back from these feelings.  They feel intense, but they don't last forever. 

A Walk in the Rain with a Brain  This book is a great book after lessons on growth mindset or age appropriate lessons on brain development.  It's also best if your students already have first hand experience with the stress of test taking.  I don't recommend it as an introduction to either subject, but it's a fun follow up. 

Ferdinand   Now a Disney movie, Ferdinand is the story of a gentle giant.  It reminds kids that what's on the outside doesn't always match what's on the inside of an individual.  It's also a great book to show that even when we are provoked to fight, we can make the choice to stay peaceful and it can work out. 

If you can only choose 7 books from this list, get these 7:

Me First    This book shows kids what it looks like when one individual feels entitled to be first all the time.  Be sure to point out the looks on those other pig's faces when they are literally shoved aside!  After those first few pages, the book takes an interesting turn.  The hero races off into a trap and learns a moral lesson that sometimes we need to look before we leap. 

The Koala Who Could  The hero of this story is fearful of trying new things.  As a result, he wants to stay in his tree all day every day.  Even though he can see he's missing out, he needs a "push" to get him to join his friends.  It's a great book to partner with Scaredy Squirrel (below). 

Scaredy Squirrel    This book has a lot of words and pictures with a lot of labels and captions, but I feel like it still moves along at a good pace for first grade.  The message is obviously about facing our fears, but it does it in a quirky fun way that kids love.  It's also fun to read in the fall when squirrels in real life are especially agitated. 

Scaredy Squirrel at Night    You may want to read this book first even though it sounds like a sequel to the other book.  I say this because in this book Scaredy is too scared to sleep, but in the first book sleeping is part of his routine. 

Tattle Tongue is a book I already wrote about in my post on Empathy.  First grade teachers know tattling is as much an issue for us as it is for the kids!

The Bot that Scott Built  This book has the same building repetition as "The House that Jack Built."  The fun part is that it's about an impressive robot that was built by a child.  It's a fun introduction to the craziness of a science fair or just the general manic nature of science exploration.  The process can get messy, but the learning is so worth it! 

Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon    This is a great book for the first month of school.  I have a list of more back to school books here, but this one can be read any time.  It's about a little girl who has unwavering resilience, thanks to a grandma who encourages her.  She asserts herself every time someone has a nasty comment.  And it's a fun story to boot.   

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true!  

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9 Picture Books You Need for Teaching Empathy

Empathy can be a tricky concept, but learning from other's experiences and books can help.  So if you're in the market for some picture books that will help your first graders see another perspective, check these out! 

 

Lola Loves Stories  This book shows children the power books have on our imagination.  Reading is fun!  If you analyze the pictures of the books Lola enjoys, you may recognize some of the stories that Lola hears.  

 

Henry Hodges Needs a Friend  Henry starts out the story feeling lonely because he doesn't have any friends in his neighborhood.  When his parents offer to get him a "one of a kind" pet, his imagination goes wild.  Kids love the rhyming so they can predict the end of each page. 

 

Daddy Calls me Man  This story is told from a young boy's perspective.  He wants to be big like his dad.  It's not until he gets a baby sister to nurture that he starts to feel big. 

 

Llama Llama Time to Share  Learning the merits of sharing is a process.  This book shows kids what happens when you choose not to, as well as why we have more fun when we do share. 

These Hands  This story starts out with many examples of the amazing things grampa's hands could do when he was younger.  As well as the things they do now to teach his grandson.  Then partway through the book, we learn about segregation, and the opportunities that were taken from people of color.  Considering the many talents we learned about this man in his younger days, this feels wrong.  This story  The book gives a message of hope that things got better by working together.  And the next generation can do even more. 

All Are Welcome  This book reassures children that diversity is celebrated in school and as the title says, all are welcome.  It features illustrations that are all the colors of the rainbow on every page, and joyful activities.   

Be Kind  I love this book because the character struggles with how to be kind.  Not because anyone was particularly unkind, but because of a fluke accident that leads to embarrassment.  Sometimes things happen and we don't know what to say to help.  She gives her friend space while she weighs her options, and in the end, she finds a way to reconnect with her friend and put the problem behind them. 

Tattle Tongue  This book reminds me of an old favorite:  Chocolate Fever.  A better analogy might be Pinocchio.  A child has a bad habit and as a result develops an amusing physical change.  At least in this case it was all just a dream.  The book does a great job of breaking down what is tattling and what is reporting something dangerous.  I usually wait to read this book until tattling is becoming a problem just in case, but it's a great one to have on hand.   

Hey, Little Ant  This is one of my favorite books to teach empathy when I have a student or student who doesn't seem to understand that physically hurting others is wrong.  It takes the perspective of a boy who likes to kill ants and an ant that is obviously opposed to this policy.  What really makes this book stay with the readers is that it doesn't have an ending.  We don't know if the boy decides to let the ant live, and that opens the door to a lot of debate and discussion with your students!  You can also make it a writing activity. 

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true!  

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More Picture Books You Need for Back to School

If you are new to teaching first grade, last week I wrote about 18 picture books you need for back to school. 

But I have so many beloved back to school books that they don't all fit on my shelf!  So after the first week I take down the books I've read to get them into the kids' hands for choice time.  Then update my display bookshelf with more books that teach valuable back to school lessons to my firsties.  

To sum up my last post, here are the books I display that first week of school, but usually don't get to read until week 2, 3, or 4:

Keisha Ann Can

On Our Way to First Grade   

First Grade Here I Come   

Brand New Pencils Brand New Books 

First Grade Jitters 

First Day Jitters 

Morris Goes to School 

Franklin Goes to School 

Mouse Loves School 

Hello School

The Pigeon HAS to Go to School 

You can read about these in my last post.  Because today I want to introduce you to 5 more books that I read aloud during our first month:   

Have You Filled a Bucket Today?  I've heard about bucket filling for many years.  I knew the concept.  But I'm embarrassed to say I never read the ACTUAL book until this year.  If you're like me, it IS worth getting.  It's not too corny for first grade.  It turns the idea of being nice into something magic.    

Peanut Butter and Cupcake  This book has fun, realistic images of anthropomorphic foods (I don't know about you, but that appeals to me and most of my students right away).  It also has a great story about persevering when the first few kids you try to make friends with isn't working well for you.  It's worth it to find that one friend you really gel with.  And at the end, everyone gets together to play, so it's not like the others are all bad after all. 

Wemberly Worried  Some of your worriers let you know immediately in a very obvious way that they are overwhelmed with starting first grade.  Some of those kids are perfectly fine once they get into the routine.  Then there are your chronic worriers.  I read this book so they know I see them, and I'm here for them for as long as they need me. 

Benny's School Trip  Funny story:  the first year I taught first grade, I was going over the rules the morning of our first field trip of the year.  When I thought I was reminding them "listen to your chaperone," one asked me, "what's a chaperone."  I did not see that coming (they had field trips in kindergarten so I made an assumption).  This book isn't a back to school book, but if you go on a field trip at the beginning of the year, this is great to help them prepare.   

Bubble Gum Brain  I bought this book after taking a course on growth mindset.  It is a little preachy, but they make the anti-hero likeable.  I was so happy when the fixed mindset character learned that he had a bubble gum brain too, all along.  As with everything else, it takes practice to change your mindset, but it improves his mood.  

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true! 

 

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