What Teachers Wish They Could Tell Parents

Yesterday I was having a conference with a parent after school.  Let's call her Billy's mom.  In the middle of the conference I had got up to retrieve a writing sample from his desk to show her when a former student (let's call him Matt) glided into the room and stood flush against the wall inside the closet.  

I gaped at him.  "Matt.  What are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to hide from Bobby."

"Matt...I'm in the middle of a meeting."  I nodded at Billy's mom.

"Oh.  Right."  He zipped back out.

You can imagine the look on Billy's mom's face.  I apologized on his behalf.  I let her know he was a former student.  There was so much more I could have told her about Matt, but of course confidentiality doesn't allow it.  And of course she wants to talk about her own child.  But the thing is, knowing Matt would have put Billy into perspective for her.

Although most of our conference was all about how Billy is making adequate progress, she was concerned when I told her about the first time we met as a small group to read a book together.  It was a book he'd read to himself before, and it was at his instructional level.  When he sat down to join the group he said to me, "I don't know why my eyes are wet." I told him that he could take a few minutes to get a tissue and or wash his face, then look over his books himself.  I could read a page with him later.  And I did, 20 minutes later.  And he was fine.  And the next time we met as a group he was fine.  Out of 50 days of school, this was the one and only time Billy got anxious enough to almost, but not quite, cry.  So when she told me she's worried about how anxious Billy is, I couldn't stop thinking back to Matt 4 years ago.

Matt cried almost every day for weeks.

Matt cried when he missed his mom.

Matt didn't want to go into the gym for the first few weeks.

Matt refused use the bathroom because other kids use the bathroom and it might have germs.

Matt didn't want to eat in the lunchroom because someone threw up in there once so he might get germs and get sick.

Matt didn't want to eat in classroom either after someone threw up in there.

When Billy's mom saw Matt she saw a fifth grader horsing around.  She didn't see him as a boy her son's age and height but about 15 pounds skinnier.  Trembling and crying. 

I'm not writing this because I think Billy has zero problems or because his problems don't matter because some kids have serious anxiety so his insecurities don't need to be addressed.  I had that discussion with her; I'm writing this for YOU. 

I'm sharing this because when Matt slipped into my room like he owned the place I felt an overwhelming sense of hope.  Sometimes we see these little first graders and worry so much.  They cry or have tantrums or hit people every day and we feel powerless.  Then 4 years later this kid is comfortable and confident and happy.  He has lots of friends, his mom is involved with the PTO (by the way she was anxious when I met her too; the family was new to the school when he started in my class).  And Matt is now in the Student Government at our school. 

One of the most painful things about being moved from fourth grade to first grade was the feeling of not knowing most of the kids in the school that first year.  I was eating lunch with a new set of coworkers who were talking about kids I didn't know and would never interact with.  Now I know nearly every kid in the school.  All those older kids used to sit in my room and listen to me read stories every other day.  And they still look 6 years old to me.  It was a rough adjustment for Matt.  And me.  But we've both grown an awful lot in 4 years.  And this year we both feel comfortable, confident, and happy.    

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15 Picture Books to Teach Character Building

Last week I wrote about books that help children deal with "first grade issues."  In this post I wanted to expand on the idea and share my favorite books for building character.  Friendship, accepting other's differences, and the Golden Rule are just a few concepts children need to define and practice when they are in school.  So if you want to hear my favorite books and how I use them, read on! 

The Day You Begin  This book is nothing like what I expected by the cover.  It's about kids who feel like they don't fit in.  One child is from a different country.  One is the only African American student in her class.  They each feel different in different contexts.  The way one of these characters reconciles her feelings is so powerful.  Keep the tissues nearby!    

 

Cheetah Can't Lose  This is a funny story about a pair of practical jokers who are tired of their friend bragging all the time.  Despite the jokes, the end is heartwarming. 

Llama Llama and the Bully Goat    There are many Llama Llama books.  I wrote about sharing in my post on Empathy.  This one is about a kid who has a bad attitude during class as well as out at recess.  The says mean things during learning time and he kicks dirt at kids who ask if he wants to play outside.  After reporting the problem, the "bully goat" gets a consequence and treats his peers better. 

Do Unto Otters  This book is a little long and very instructive.  I recommend it for later in the year for first graders when they're more likely to appreciate the humor in it.  

Come with Me  You know those days you come to school after a national tragedy, and you wonder, "Will one of the kids bring it up today?  How will I handle it?"  Although I don't usually start a conversation about it with my first graders, if someone brings it up, this is a great book to have on hand.  It's got a "keep calm and carry on" theme.  Look for the kindness and normalcy in your community.  It can help you and your class feel centered after a scary talk.  

Me First Helen Lester   I already wrote about this book in this post on first grade issues, but it's another great one to teach character.  

Today I'm a Monster  The hero in this book woke up grouchy.  He proceeds to act out.  It pairs well with the No David series that I wrote about in my Back to School post (get those Venn Diagrams ready).  Most kids will laugh at his antics, but some will relate to the feelings he's having.  It reminds us that behavior is communication.  Sometimes a grouchy child needs comfort and encouragement.      

The Boy Who Wouldn't Share  The busy illustrations in this book keep kids engaged as they learn that hoarding material things at the expense of cultivating friendships is not the way to go. 

I Walk with Vanessa    This book has no words; it's all pictures.  I have used it as a think aloud with my class.  It's perfect for those pre-readers who want to go back and retell themselves the story during independent reading time. 

The Invisible Boy  I can relate to the hero of this book so strongly.  He watches his peers play and chat but doesn't know how to join in.  He loves to draw but it takes him time before he figures out how to use that strength to make a friend.  But once he does, the invisibility fades away.   

I'm New Here  This book follows 3 children who each join a classroom of English speaking students for the first time.  They hear all new word sounds and see completely different letters after learning to read and write in their first language.   Each child feels a little differently about this.  Each child attempts spoken or written language in a different context. 

Someone New  This book was written after I'm New Here, and written from the perspective of the newcomers' classmates.  It addresses how they perceive a newcomer who doesn't speak English.  Most students don't know what to do at first.  Some wish they could help them feel like they belong.  It shows students that first attempts don't always work and that can feel uncomfortable.  That's normal and it will pass.  Because eventually English learners start speaking and want to join in so be ready to welcome them!   

Say Something  This is not so much a story as an affirmation.  It reminds us that we all have wisdom and we need to stand up for what we believe in.  It's a great book to read before a Positive Post Its challenge or a Valentine's Random Acts of Kindness challenge.  

I am Human      This book isn't a narrative, but it explores the struggles and triumphs of the human experience in simple language and illustrations.  It's a nice reminder that we all make mistakes but we have the potential to learn and grow.

Beekle      This is a beautiful story about the land of imaginary friends waiting for a friend to want them.  But Beekle takes matters into his own hands and finds his own friend.  It's a great story about asserting oneself and making friends by being one.  And, on a literal level, it normalizes the concept of having an imaginary friend when you're young. 

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true! 

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More Books to Teach Empathy

Many first graders have not fully developed empathy.  Sharing doesn't come naturally because they honestly don't understand why they should.  They don't see things from the other's perspective, they just know what toy or snack they like.  They know they want to be first so they go for it because they don't realize there are 23 other kids who would like to be first sometimes.  They need many, many reminders about rules and a variety of examples of why and how we follow the social contract.  My first post on books to teach empathy has been so popular that I decided to get more (and tell you about them).  So if you're looking for books that help your first graders learn empathy, read on! 

Chocolate Milk Por Favor  This is a great story about learning to overlook people's flaws and focusing on their strengths.  Although one child in the story doesn't know much English when he starts school, he is a great soccer player.  And of course he learns enough conversational English quickly enough to make some friends.  Although one character in the book starts out as very dismissive of this child, the reason why may surprise you.  Your class will learn to look past first impressions. 

Those Shoes  This book is tough to get through if you're a crier!  It starts out a classic needs vs. wants tale.  The boy wants fancy shoes and his family can't afford them.  The twist comes when he sees someone else who is also in need of new shoes and he has to decide if, as little as he has, should he help the other kid.  You can guess how it ends, but how he gets there is a little surprise that will touch you. 

The Juice Box Bully  This book is a little wordy for first grade, but I include it because it's so important for empathy.  I plan to try it at the END of the year to help the kids think about what they want their second grade class to be like, ideally.  After all, if they learn to stand up for themselves and others respectfully, they just might help out my first graders next year out at recess! 

A Flicker of Hope  This book gets deep into some bad feelings.  It might be too intense for a whole class lesson.  The little candle is feeling hopeless, loss, depressed, and anxious.  She learns that these feelings can be mitigated, and how reaching out to ask for help and later to make others feel good can help her feel better. 

If You Plant a Seed  Yes, this is a book about empathy, although it's disguised as a book about gardening.  Think of the adage, "You reap what you sow" and add beautiful illustrations and you'll get the idea. 

Something Beautiful   There aren't too many books that I know of that show younger children what low income neighborhoods look like.  This book will open a window to this world while still sharing a message of beauty. 

But if you only get 5 books from this list to teach empathy, get these!

The Bad Seed  This is a perfect book to help kids start to empathize with a difficult peer.  You know, that kid who is always acting out.  As their teacher, sometimes you know why they do it; you know about back story, but you can't just tell the other kids they have a rough home life.  This book starts out showing the bad behaviors and the fact that the seed KNOWS he's bad.  Then we find out what happened to emotionally damage him.  And finally, we see that he's starting to make an effort to do better so we need to support him.  Love this story. 

Little Blue Truck board book  I didn't know if this book was going to be more suited for preschool than first grade, since it's a board book.  But I'm glad I took a chance on it.  It's a little like the little engine that could but the vehicle has more of an edge.  And it just takes one well liked vehicle to rally the community to help the one with the bad attitude.  I feel like this idea of getting one friend on your side and then many more will follow is a great message that isn't covered by many other books.  

How Kind board book  This it a cute book about "paying it forward."  It gets kids thinking about how they can be kind, as well as watching how one kind deed can make kindness spread to many others.

But Its Not My Fault   This a story about a child who feels like he's blamed for everything.  He can explain how others played a role in each scenario.  But we start to realize he's not taking responsibility for his own actions.  It's a little long to read all at once, but reading one scenario each day as part of Morning Meeting or a social skills lesson is a great way to help children understand responsibility. 

Enemy Pie   This is such a cool book for kids who just don't get along!  And the rest of your class will be captivated too.  One of the dads decides to make an "enemy pie" as revenge for his son's nemesis.  He promises to put all bad things in the pie and serve it up on one condition.  The boys have to play together for one afternoon.  After spending time together, the son has to decide: let his "enemy" eat the pie or save him! 

If you love Amazon as much as I do, here's a tip I have for you.  Put ALL the books that interest you in their own wish list called First Grade Books.  If you use my affiliate links I will receive a commission at no cost to you.  Buy a few that you feel like you will definitely want to read next month.  Leave the rest and revisit it every few weeks to watch for price cuts.  Depending on how badly you want a book, set a specific price goal in mind, and when a few drop below your threshold make your purchases and make your book wishes come true! 

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